I feel I need a change in my life.....Whether it is apartment, new pet, new piece of furniture, new job.....SOMETHING.....I feel like I am at a plateau and I feel bored with my life.
Changed apartments January 2009
Got a new TV, new Couch January 2009
Got a puppy February 2009
Got a full time job July 2009
Changed jobs March 2010
Changed studios July 2010
I like my job.....hate driving there. I love where I am teaching. I love my puppy. Our apartment is great....I am incredibly happy with Scott. Argh but I feel like I am bored!!!!!!
What do I do?
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
What a day, what a day......
Today sucked. I need to vent and the person I am going to be venting about needs to hear this but is incommunicado at the present moment.
I haven't seen Scott all week. Well, I guess we should start with last week.
Monday he worked at the firehouse. Well thats fine because I was working all day too so no time spent together. Tuesday I was home all day but he had class till 4ish. Wednesday I worked all day. Thursday he was at the firehouse. Friday I worked all day but then his friends from CT were here so I had to share him. All in all thats fine, he had a great time, it was a fun weekend but we didn't really have one on one time and if we did, we were sleeping.
Saturday I worked, got a massage then spent the day with him and his friends, same story as Friday. Sunday, spent time with his friends then he went to work. I went there to have dinner with him but at the firehouse there really is no intimate opportunities.
Monday he worked for someone at the firehouse.....another 24 hours gone.
Tuesday he had class. Then we went out for dinner which was nice but short.
Wednesday he worked at the firehouse.
Thursday he had class and I taught till 8 also.
Friday I worked all day. Went out at night but wasn't just the two of us. Again, thats fine but think of the point of this rant.
Saturday he worked all day at the firehouse.
Sunday (today) he left just as I was waking up. Worked at AE. Stayed later than his normal shift. Stayed at the mall later than that to purchase the iPhone. Came home, said hi to the dog (not his girlfriend, by the way) then spent hours on his iPhone downloading apps etc. And forget trying to talk to him when he is doing something, he just won't hear you. So talking to him, pointless. THen he proceeds to get extremely frustrated with something about the iPhone and when I go to ask whats up he looks at me like I did something completely wrong and says "Seriously? Not now" Soooo I just shut up. Haven't really spoken to him for the remainder of the evening.
He's watching Indiana Jones and again, dont try to talk to him during it, won't hear you.
Tomorrow I work all day, and we wont even talk via text because hes working at AE for a good portion of it.
Tuesday he is at the firehouse
Wednesday I work then he has oral surgery and will be out of it for the rest of the night, leaving me to basically be his slave.
Thursday I work all day and hopefully he is feeling better
Friday i work all day.
When do I actually get to spend time with my boyfriend? WHen do I get to feel like I am actually in a relationship again because I haven't felt like I am in one since Thanksgiving for the mere reason we dont get to see each other or spend quality time with each other.
When do I get to be told "I love you" without me having to say it first. When do I get more attention than the dog? When do I get to feel like I am special?
I could just cry right now.
Gnight
I haven't seen Scott all week. Well, I guess we should start with last week.
Monday he worked at the firehouse. Well thats fine because I was working all day too so no time spent together. Tuesday I was home all day but he had class till 4ish. Wednesday I worked all day. Thursday he was at the firehouse. Friday I worked all day but then his friends from CT were here so I had to share him. All in all thats fine, he had a great time, it was a fun weekend but we didn't really have one on one time and if we did, we were sleeping.
Saturday I worked, got a massage then spent the day with him and his friends, same story as Friday. Sunday, spent time with his friends then he went to work. I went there to have dinner with him but at the firehouse there really is no intimate opportunities.
Monday he worked for someone at the firehouse.....another 24 hours gone.
Tuesday he had class. Then we went out for dinner which was nice but short.
Wednesday he worked at the firehouse.
Thursday he had class and I taught till 8 also.
Friday I worked all day. Went out at night but wasn't just the two of us. Again, thats fine but think of the point of this rant.
Saturday he worked all day at the firehouse.
Sunday (today) he left just as I was waking up. Worked at AE. Stayed later than his normal shift. Stayed at the mall later than that to purchase the iPhone. Came home, said hi to the dog (not his girlfriend, by the way) then spent hours on his iPhone downloading apps etc. And forget trying to talk to him when he is doing something, he just won't hear you. So talking to him, pointless. THen he proceeds to get extremely frustrated with something about the iPhone and when I go to ask whats up he looks at me like I did something completely wrong and says "Seriously? Not now" Soooo I just shut up. Haven't really spoken to him for the remainder of the evening.
He's watching Indiana Jones and again, dont try to talk to him during it, won't hear you.
Tomorrow I work all day, and we wont even talk via text because hes working at AE for a good portion of it.
Tuesday he is at the firehouse
Wednesday I work then he has oral surgery and will be out of it for the rest of the night, leaving me to basically be his slave.
Thursday I work all day and hopefully he is feeling better
Friday i work all day.
When do I actually get to spend time with my boyfriend? WHen do I get to feel like I am actually in a relationship again because I haven't felt like I am in one since Thanksgiving for the mere reason we dont get to see each other or spend quality time with each other.
When do I get to be told "I love you" without me having to say it first. When do I get more attention than the dog? When do I get to feel like I am special?
I could just cry right now.
Gnight
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Lost Cause....?
So I am really beginning to think that IT is never going to happen....however many hopes I keep up.....I am going to be single forever.....Michael will win that bet....and because of that, if ever I decide I want to have kids, we will never have them unless theyre an accident because I dont want to have kids if I am not married...it's too easy to walk away from your significant other if you are boyfriend and girlfriend your entire life. Common law marriage will take effect in 4 years...but really, that is not going to make me happy enough.....I want to have that legal lifetime commitment.....and its never going to come....I have to start convincing myself of this.....
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Killing me softly......
Being along for 2 and a half weeks sucks. What sucks worse is that when he comes home, we will have zero days to spend more than a few hours alone together.
He rides home Saturday meaning, he will arrive back in MD around 7 or 8 at night. Go to sleep by 10, then he works 24 hours at the firehouse. Monday, I wil leave for work before he comes home and getting home around 8PM, i will be tired by 10 and therefore go to sleep by then. He will sleep until 10ish the next day, and I have to leave a bit after 12. Ill get home around 630 (later if i have an appointment) then again, go to bed by 10 and he works 24 hours the next day. Thursday begins summer camp....so while he will come homje from work and sleep till 11ish and I have to leave for work just after 12, when I get off of work, he will be in Frederick with ALL of his cousins. I will join them for a few hours, go home sleep. I will work the next morning and yes, while I have taken a half day off, but again this will not be spending time with JUST Scott. Saturday, he works 24 hours. Sunday I have an audition and will be gone for about 5 hours but again he will be with his cousins. Monday I work 10.5 hours, Tuesday he works for 24. Wednesday I work at the office then teach.....Thursday idk if he works at AE but I work for a few hours and might be able to see him for a few hours before and after that. Friday I work 10.5 hours and oh he works for 24. Then comes the weekend which im pretty sure he will work at AE but this will be the most I get to see him since July 15th.
I cant tell him exactly how upset I am because he doesn't seem to understand....When i voice my opinion, he thinks Im trying to make him feel bad and then he gets upset with me. I haven't told him that Ive cried basically everyday because I am so lonely and because I miss him so much.
While he is with his dad and not alone the entire two and a half weeks hes been gone, ive been alone for the majority of my time.....lets face it, i dont have many friends down here. The friends I do have here, have lives and can't spend their entire free time with me.
I'm sad! I'm lonely! I miss him!
I dont understand how he wouldnt want to come home tomorrow. If it were me, i would be coming home Friday so I could have my entire Saturday with my significant other whom i havent seen OR HAD SEX WITH for the past 20 plus days.
I HATE THIS!
He rides home Saturday meaning, he will arrive back in MD around 7 or 8 at night. Go to sleep by 10, then he works 24 hours at the firehouse. Monday, I wil leave for work before he comes home and getting home around 8PM, i will be tired by 10 and therefore go to sleep by then. He will sleep until 10ish the next day, and I have to leave a bit after 12. Ill get home around 630 (later if i have an appointment) then again, go to bed by 10 and he works 24 hours the next day. Thursday begins summer camp....so while he will come homje from work and sleep till 11ish and I have to leave for work just after 12, when I get off of work, he will be in Frederick with ALL of his cousins. I will join them for a few hours, go home sleep. I will work the next morning and yes, while I have taken a half day off, but again this will not be spending time with JUST Scott. Saturday, he works 24 hours. Sunday I have an audition and will be gone for about 5 hours but again he will be with his cousins. Monday I work 10.5 hours, Tuesday he works for 24. Wednesday I work at the office then teach.....Thursday idk if he works at AE but I work for a few hours and might be able to see him for a few hours before and after that. Friday I work 10.5 hours and oh he works for 24. Then comes the weekend which im pretty sure he will work at AE but this will be the most I get to see him since July 15th.
I cant tell him exactly how upset I am because he doesn't seem to understand....When i voice my opinion, he thinks Im trying to make him feel bad and then he gets upset with me. I haven't told him that Ive cried basically everyday because I am so lonely and because I miss him so much.
While he is with his dad and not alone the entire two and a half weeks hes been gone, ive been alone for the majority of my time.....lets face it, i dont have many friends down here. The friends I do have here, have lives and can't spend their entire free time with me.
I'm sad! I'm lonely! I miss him!
I dont understand how he wouldnt want to come home tomorrow. If it were me, i would be coming home Friday so I could have my entire Saturday with my significant other whom i havent seen OR HAD SEX WITH for the past 20 plus days.
I HATE THIS!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Lets Play a Game.....
What would my life be like if something majorly drastic changed......
WHAT IF: I was pregnant.
WHAT IF: I was pregnant.
- 9 months from now, I have a kid.....that would put it around my birthday. Ooh what a gift! - Positive
- I can barely afford myself, I can not afford Maggie, I can not help Scott out at all financially....Now there's a kid in the mix? - Negative
- Adding to the financial burden, I would have to take off of work and NO I do not have Short Term Disability benefits. - Negative
- We would need room to have the baby. We already do! The den can be converted. - Positive
- I would be responsible for a life other than mine. Food, nourishment, keeping it safe, etc. - Neutral
- Scott and I would go downtown and get married and plan a ceremony later. Or plan a shotgun wedding - Positive
- However, he has said he is not ready for that step....so would he really be happy being married to me only because we were to have a kid? Would he resent me in the end? - Negative
So why are we playing this game? Because I didn't get my period last month and I have been an emotional wreck these past two weeks. Feeling nauseaus (sp?) off and on.....Granted I tend to freak out over little things....therefore there is a really good chance I am just extremely stressed and thats making my body do crazy things....But what if I AM pregnant?
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Not directed towards you!
This is just a rant, not directed towards anyone in particular but just a rant in general.
This Saturday is my final recital with Artistic Dance Centre because the studio is closing after this year. This Saturday marks my final recital possibly for a LONG time. I invite soooooo many people to come to see, not just me but the entire thing because I think it would be amazing to have a sold out show to end with a bang. And Yes, I'd love to hear them cheering for me knowing they support me...of course. But NO ONE is going. My parents and Scott.
Don't get me wrong, I love having them in the audience and the fact that my parents come down from CT every year specifically to see this recital, it means a lot. But some of my friends down here, some of my LIFE down here, i'd love them to see exactly what I do and what I talk about and rant about and complain about all year.
Also, in the friend department, whenever I invite CT friends to MD or visa versa, these respective trips never come to fruition and leave me driving 7 hours by myself. I think that the only time my two worlds will EVER meet will be at my wedding and even then, lets face it....if I get married in MD, how many of my "friends" from CT will come down. I know a few that definitely will. One specifically whom i've been friends with for 10 years will defnitely come down because she is just that great of a friend....but any others....yeah right.....
Roles reversed, if I get married in CT....how many MD people will drive up? I could just see the whole "I'll bum a ride with you when you go up" I went from having no friends down here...to finally getting some...and hanging out with them so often.....to now, just having scott again. I miss CT so much....but will only go back if Scott gets a job up there....
Ok rant over.....didnt exactly make me feel better but I needed to vent this to someone, anyone other than Scott, again. Poor guy.
This Saturday is my final recital with Artistic Dance Centre because the studio is closing after this year. This Saturday marks my final recital possibly for a LONG time. I invite soooooo many people to come to see, not just me but the entire thing because I think it would be amazing to have a sold out show to end with a bang. And Yes, I'd love to hear them cheering for me knowing they support me...of course. But NO ONE is going. My parents and Scott.
Don't get me wrong, I love having them in the audience and the fact that my parents come down from CT every year specifically to see this recital, it means a lot. But some of my friends down here, some of my LIFE down here, i'd love them to see exactly what I do and what I talk about and rant about and complain about all year.
Also, in the friend department, whenever I invite CT friends to MD or visa versa, these respective trips never come to fruition and leave me driving 7 hours by myself. I think that the only time my two worlds will EVER meet will be at my wedding and even then, lets face it....if I get married in MD, how many of my "friends" from CT will come down. I know a few that definitely will. One specifically whom i've been friends with for 10 years will defnitely come down because she is just that great of a friend....but any others....yeah right.....
Roles reversed, if I get married in CT....how many MD people will drive up? I could just see the whole "I'll bum a ride with you when you go up" I went from having no friends down here...to finally getting some...and hanging out with them so often.....to now, just having scott again. I miss CT so much....but will only go back if Scott gets a job up there....
Ok rant over.....didnt exactly make me feel better but I needed to vent this to someone, anyone other than Scott, again. Poor guy.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
There must be something....
So, every now and again I will have a "light bulb" moment where all of a sudden something clicks and makes sense in my mind. Well I had a moment like that yesterday. I honestly do not know what sparked it or where the hell it came from.
I don't have a really religious view on life. I was brought up Catholic but I have stopped practicing simply because I didn't know if that was what I truly believe. Just because it was forced upon me, doesn't mean I truly believe it.
And today, I still don't know what exactly I believe in, in regards to that....but have come to the realization that there is something out there watching over me. I have the worst luck that anyone could ever imagine. But where it counts, I am kept safe, sound and happy. And things always work out in one way shape or form.
Take these examples as of late:
First, I was a bit nervous driving to and from CT by myself. Typically it takes Scott and I 6.5 to 7 hours to do this but to CT and to MD, I made it in 5.5 hours. No, I wasn't speeding. There was hardly any traffic both ways.
Second, I stress about finances more than anyone should....I know its not healthy but I can't help it. This pay period, I was going to be 22 hours short because of time I took off and Memorial Day and then my health insurance kicks in and the check was just going to be pathetic. And stretched way too thin because I have three student loans, one credit card, car insurance and a car payment all due before I get paid again. Not to mention my car is in dire need of an oil change and an interior wash due to the fact that Maggie shed like crazy when she travelled this past weekend..... But then yesterday, my boss comes to me and asks me if I want to use the minimal amount of benefit (PTO) hours I have built up....I told him Id take all I could get... and explained the time off, including Memorial Day and hes like well since you're full time, you get the six holidays paid. Labor Day, Christmas, New Years, Memorial Day, Thanksgiving and 4th of July. Smiles and a sigh of relief that I get 10 hours back!!!!
I think its my nana who is looking out for me....is that crazy?
I don't have a really religious view on life. I was brought up Catholic but I have stopped practicing simply because I didn't know if that was what I truly believe. Just because it was forced upon me, doesn't mean I truly believe it.
And today, I still don't know what exactly I believe in, in regards to that....but have come to the realization that there is something out there watching over me. I have the worst luck that anyone could ever imagine. But where it counts, I am kept safe, sound and happy. And things always work out in one way shape or form.
Take these examples as of late:
First, I was a bit nervous driving to and from CT by myself. Typically it takes Scott and I 6.5 to 7 hours to do this but to CT and to MD, I made it in 5.5 hours. No, I wasn't speeding. There was hardly any traffic both ways.
Second, I stress about finances more than anyone should....I know its not healthy but I can't help it. This pay period, I was going to be 22 hours short because of time I took off and Memorial Day and then my health insurance kicks in and the check was just going to be pathetic. And stretched way too thin because I have three student loans, one credit card, car insurance and a car payment all due before I get paid again. Not to mention my car is in dire need of an oil change and an interior wash due to the fact that Maggie shed like crazy when she travelled this past weekend..... But then yesterday, my boss comes to me and asks me if I want to use the minimal amount of benefit (PTO) hours I have built up....I told him Id take all I could get... and explained the time off, including Memorial Day and hes like well since you're full time, you get the six holidays paid. Labor Day, Christmas, New Years, Memorial Day, Thanksgiving and 4th of July. Smiles and a sigh of relief that I get 10 hours back!!!!
I think its my nana who is looking out for me....is that crazy?
Monday, May 24, 2010
Time to stop living in the moment....
Seems that from now on, I need to plan out my life a whole hell of a lot better than I have been. It has become a ritual of mine (one that I'd love to disown) to stress out 115% come the close of each month. Why is this? FINANCES!
Of course, living in the moment made me pierce my ears a few more times as well as stock up on a really cute summer wardrobe (Most of which can also double as what I will wear on the cruise). Oh yeah, also bought beer. Who would have thought these things would ever be considered a luxury. Not I. But since my working life has dwindled down a lot and I only have one job under my belt, I must eliminate such expenses.
I have a whopping $26 in my account now and I have to purchase recital tickets, and a DVD by Thursday....I am praying those checks do not get cashed until Friday, when I get paid. But there there is the issue of owing rent and phone to Scott. Oh, and I missed a student loan payment this month....
I also feel 100% that Scott contributes more to this relationship than I do...financially speaking. He says, he makes more so he has no problem taking on more of the responsibility of "our" bills. He currently pays, electric, cable, buys groceries and Maggie's stuff. I contribute to phone and rent. AND hes paying off the couch....Because I feel so bad he is doing all of this, I am going to vow RIGHT NOW to be proactive at keeping the apartment clean. (I will try) Tonight I plan on doing dishes, laundry, taking out trash, loading the recycling into my car and vacuuming. Tomorrow I will do laundry and dishes, take the recycling before I go to work and tackle the organization of the dining room table a bit. I also plan to, as some point, get down on my hands and knees and clean the bathroom and kitchen floors as well as the shower.
Does anyone know of any ways to make money? I am in dire need and DO NOT want to work retail!!!
Of course, living in the moment made me pierce my ears a few more times as well as stock up on a really cute summer wardrobe (Most of which can also double as what I will wear on the cruise). Oh yeah, also bought beer. Who would have thought these things would ever be considered a luxury. Not I. But since my working life has dwindled down a lot and I only have one job under my belt, I must eliminate such expenses.
I have a whopping $26 in my account now and I have to purchase recital tickets, and a DVD by Thursday....I am praying those checks do not get cashed until Friday, when I get paid. But there there is the issue of owing rent and phone to Scott. Oh, and I missed a student loan payment this month....
I also feel 100% that Scott contributes more to this relationship than I do...financially speaking. He says, he makes more so he has no problem taking on more of the responsibility of "our" bills. He currently pays, electric, cable, buys groceries and Maggie's stuff. I contribute to phone and rent. AND hes paying off the couch....Because I feel so bad he is doing all of this, I am going to vow RIGHT NOW to be proactive at keeping the apartment clean. (I will try) Tonight I plan on doing dishes, laundry, taking out trash, loading the recycling into my car and vacuuming. Tomorrow I will do laundry and dishes, take the recycling before I go to work and tackle the organization of the dining room table a bit. I also plan to, as some point, get down on my hands and knees and clean the bathroom and kitchen floors as well as the shower.
Does anyone know of any ways to make money? I am in dire need and DO NOT want to work retail!!!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Favorites Fridays
I have no idea how to put someones blog name into my own to give them props but I have decided to try doing this on a weekly basis....
This weeks Favorite Fridays Topic is Favorite Book; Category: Drama!
I have chosen one that I have not really read cover to cover. "Big Girl" by Danielle Steel. I read a bit over a strangers shoulder on the plane ride to CT just recently and therefore it compelled me to purchase a copy of my own. I read the first three pages and haven't picked it up since but the option is always there to read it!!!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Her tears are like Diamonds on the Floor
Today was alright...until I really got the hit of "crap I am really going to be alone for the next 6 days..." and then I quickly became really sad....and once Scott got home and we packed his truck with his stuff, Maggies stuff and Maggie...I lost it. And everytime I think about it, I lose it. Its great. The neighbors saw me on the way back up to the apartment...ugh. I had to explain to them that yes, I am just crying because I am going to be alone for the next 6 days not because we broke up....
I have cleaned the apartment as much as I am going to tonight. I have not typed up my notes from this week and I actually dont think that will ever happen. No matter how much I want it to. I will go through the paperwork tomorrow and pull out stuff I dont need.
Tonight, Scott leaving, really helped me realize that i need to have him in my life. Not that I didn't know that I wanted to be with him forever, but I need to! I love him so much!!
I have cleaned the apartment as much as I am going to tonight. I have not typed up my notes from this week and I actually dont think that will ever happen. No matter how much I want it to. I will go through the paperwork tomorrow and pull out stuff I dont need.
Tonight, Scott leaving, really helped me realize that i need to have him in my life. Not that I didn't know that I wanted to be with him forever, but I need to! I love him so much!!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight....
I wish I could morph into someones body momentarily, make an important decision and then morph out and forget it ever happened.
Two decisions stick out in my mind right now....having to do with people close to me.....but....I can't make the decisions for them so......here I am.
I have to say, I am not excited about starting a new job.....maybe once i get into the thick of it....but this weekend is going to be laborious because i am not really looking forward to Monday being here. Not to mention it will come after a REALLY long day Sunday....waking up at 330AM to leave at 4 or 430 to be at competition for 730 and then have that all day....bringing paperwork with me to do.....thats a definite...wish i could bring a friend...or a bed!
Two decisions stick out in my mind right now....having to do with people close to me.....but....I can't make the decisions for them so......here I am.
I have to say, I am not excited about starting a new job.....maybe once i get into the thick of it....but this weekend is going to be laborious because i am not really looking forward to Monday being here. Not to mention it will come after a REALLY long day Sunday....waking up at 330AM to leave at 4 or 430 to be at competition for 730 and then have that all day....bringing paperwork with me to do.....thats a definite...wish i could bring a friend...or a bed!
Monday, March 8, 2010
I think its great......
I think its great that I just typed an entire HUGE ASS BLOG and go to post, receive an error message and then when I hit the back button like it tells me to ITS COMPLETELY GONE!
I'm done.
I'm done.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Obsession
Ok so eventually I will format this thing so I LIKE IT! But I'm lazy and tipsy so it gets put off for another night.
I have to say, I love my life....I will have four jobs come March 15th....I am very happy that I am not officially leaving the jail because I do not look forward to the day where I have to be escorted out because I no longer work there.....and that gets put off for a while. Maybe I can convince Nancy to keep me on PRN to finish the 'project' I have started in the back room...that is, once there is a new person hired and trained....
I will miss the deputies and other employees at the jail. Adult friends haha....a few have come up to me and told me that in no way am I allowed to leave. They "have deciced that I am not allowed to leave and I have no choice in that matter." haha. It is so nice to hear them say that but it saddens me because it makes me really not want to leave. Should I put up with feeling mediocre and being underpaid all the time to be around a majority of people who actually like me and enjoy being around me? Or do I search further into my skills/knowledge and pursue a career at someplace different, though new, that could better me financially.....the decision has been made, and I am going to be full time at the chiropractor center but I will miss those at the jail who will miss me.
And I always loved saying I worked at a jail!!!
The stories I came home with were awesome to tell too!!!
*sigh* tonight was great....I love that these Wednesdays are getting together with a great friend but also expanding both of our culinary skills! I think I know what I am making next week..on the George Foreman!!!
Aaaaaand I'm becoming a wine-o. White please! Pinot, Chardonnay....yes!
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So have you ever been obsessed with something weird? Well, to me it's weird....I love watching dance...this is how I know that I am not done with it being in my life. Everytime I watch a dance piece that is genious, amazing, great or even just unique and good, I wish I was the one dancing it. Made me realize that I wish I was still performing. That is my next goal. To find someplace GOOD around here where I can dance and take class and even perform a bit. I miss it so much! A Friday night adult lyrical class would be perfect.
Such thoughts makes me miss Deborah's Dance Workshop (DDW) so much! I have been watching the piece of choreography choreographed by the girl I reccommended to the studio over and over again. Yes, its the one I linked to in my first post. I am almost nervous to go up and dance for my 20th recital because my choreography is not as good as hers. Maybe someone can choreograph my solo for me....but then I'd have to pay them and I dont want that. But then again I don't know anyone that well where theyd do it for nothing....aaaaaaaaaaaand me doing a solo at my old studio, I feel like I still need to prove myself...that moving to Maryland was the right thing to do for my dance career. Mainly, I am not done with dance yet.
I am not done with dance yet.....
I have to say, I love my life....I will have four jobs come March 15th....I am very happy that I am not officially leaving the jail because I do not look forward to the day where I have to be escorted out because I no longer work there.....and that gets put off for a while. Maybe I can convince Nancy to keep me on PRN to finish the 'project' I have started in the back room...that is, once there is a new person hired and trained....
I will miss the deputies and other employees at the jail. Adult friends haha....a few have come up to me and told me that in no way am I allowed to leave. They "have deciced that I am not allowed to leave and I have no choice in that matter." haha. It is so nice to hear them say that but it saddens me because it makes me really not want to leave. Should I put up with feeling mediocre and being underpaid all the time to be around a majority of people who actually like me and enjoy being around me? Or do I search further into my skills/knowledge and pursue a career at someplace different, though new, that could better me financially.....the decision has been made, and I am going to be full time at the chiropractor center but I will miss those at the jail who will miss me.
And I always loved saying I worked at a jail!!!
The stories I came home with were awesome to tell too!!!
*sigh* tonight was great....I love that these Wednesdays are getting together with a great friend but also expanding both of our culinary skills! I think I know what I am making next week..on the George Foreman!!!
Aaaaaand I'm becoming a wine-o. White please! Pinot, Chardonnay....yes!
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So have you ever been obsessed with something weird? Well, to me it's weird....I love watching dance...this is how I know that I am not done with it being in my life. Everytime I watch a dance piece that is genious, amazing, great or even just unique and good, I wish I was the one dancing it. Made me realize that I wish I was still performing. That is my next goal. To find someplace GOOD around here where I can dance and take class and even perform a bit. I miss it so much! A Friday night adult lyrical class would be perfect.
Such thoughts makes me miss Deborah's Dance Workshop (DDW) so much! I have been watching the piece of choreography choreographed by the girl I reccommended to the studio over and over again. Yes, its the one I linked to in my first post. I am almost nervous to go up and dance for my 20th recital because my choreography is not as good as hers. Maybe someone can choreograph my solo for me....but then I'd have to pay them and I dont want that. But then again I don't know anyone that well where theyd do it for nothing....aaaaaaaaaaaand me doing a solo at my old studio, I feel like I still need to prove myself...that moving to Maryland was the right thing to do for my dance career. Mainly, I am not done with dance yet.
I am not done with dance yet.....
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