Her tears are like Diamonds on the Floor

Today was alright...until I really got the hit of "crap I am really going to be alone for the next 6 days..." and then I quickly became really sad....and once Scott got home and we packed his truck with his stuff, Maggies stuff and Maggie...I lost it. And everytime I think about it, I lose it. Its great. The neighbors saw me on the way back up to the apartment...ugh. I had to explain to them that yes, I am just crying because I am going to be alone for the next 6 days not because we broke up....

I have cleaned the apartment as much as I am going to tonight. I have not typed up my notes from this week and I actually dont think that will ever happen. No matter how much I want it to. I will go through the paperwork tomorrow and pull out stuff I dont need.

Tonight, Scott leaving, really helped me realize that i need to have him in my life. Not that I didn't know that I wanted to be with him forever, but I need to! I love him so much!!

I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight....

I wish I could morph into someones body momentarily, make an important decision and then morph out and forget it ever happened.

Two decisions stick out in my mind right now....having to do with people close to me.....but....I can't make the decisions for them so......here I am.

I have to say, I am not excited about starting a new job.....maybe once i get into the thick of it....but this weekend is going to be laborious because i am not really looking forward to Monday being here. Not to mention it will come after a REALLY long day Sunday....waking up at 330AM to leave at 4 or 430 to be at competition for 730 and then have that all day....bringing paperwork with me to do.....thats a definite...wish i could bring a friend...or a bed!

I think its great......

I think its great that I just typed an entire HUGE ASS BLOG and go to post, receive an error message and then when I hit the back button like it tells me to ITS COMPLETELY GONE!

I'm done.

Obsession

Ok so eventually I will format this thing so I LIKE IT! But I'm lazy and tipsy so it gets put off for another night.

I have to say, I love my life....I will have four jobs come March 15th....I am very happy that I am not officially leaving the jail because I do not look forward to the day where I have to be escorted out because I no longer work there.....and that gets put off for a while. Maybe I can convince Nancy to keep me on PRN to finish the 'project' I have started in the back room...that is, once there is a new person hired and trained....

I will miss the deputies and other employees at the jail. Adult friends haha....a few have come up to me and told me that in no way am I allowed to leave. They "have deciced that I am not allowed to leave and I have no choice in that matter." haha. It is so nice to hear them say that but it saddens me because it makes me really not want to leave. Should I put up with feeling mediocre and being underpaid all the time to be around a majority of people who actually like me and enjoy being around me? Or do I search further into my skills/knowledge and pursue a career at someplace different, though new, that could better me financially.....the decision has been made, and I am going to be full time at the chiropractor center but I will miss those at the jail who will miss me.

And I always loved saying I worked at a jail!!!

The stories I came home with were awesome to tell too!!!

*sigh* tonight was great....I love that these Wednesdays are getting together with a great friend but also expanding both of our culinary skills! I think I know what I am making next week..on the George Foreman!!!

Aaaaaand I'm becoming a wine-o. White please! Pinot, Chardonnay....yes!

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So have you ever been obsessed with something weird? Well, to me it's weird....I love watching dance...this is how I know that I am not done with it being in my life. Everytime I watch a dance piece that is genious, amazing, great or even just unique and good, I wish I was the one dancing it. Made me realize that I wish I was still performing. That is my next goal. To find someplace GOOD around here where I can dance and take class and even perform a bit. I miss it so much! A Friday night adult lyrical class would be perfect.

Such thoughts makes me miss Deborah's Dance Workshop (DDW) so much! I have been watching the piece of choreography choreographed by the girl I reccommended to the studio over and over again. Yes, its the one I linked to in my first post. I am almost nervous to go up and dance for my 20th recital because my choreography is not as good as hers. Maybe someone can choreograph my solo for me....but then I'd have to pay them and I dont want that. But then again I don't know anyone that well where theyd do it for nothing....aaaaaaaaaaaand me doing a solo at my old studio, I feel like I still need to prove myself...that moving to Maryland was the right thing to do for my dance career. Mainly, I am not done with dance yet.


I am not done with dance yet.....