Normally, I don't look forward to Valentines Day. I don't get overly excited but then again, I don't get upset either....it's just another day. Except this year, I received two dozen roses (had to resist the urge to type donuts right now) and I was giddy the entire evening. Totally even made up for the fact that I got The Big Bang Theory Season 2 and CHOCOLATE! lol
I seriously thought I might get that ring.....and at the same time, I knew I wasn't going to so I was not disppointed at all. Though I kept my hopes up by not clipping my finger nails in case I took pictures of my hands lol.
BUT I got thinking about wedding and my marriage....AGAIN
I know, my wedding will be in CT....but I do want two bridal showers.... a MD one and a CT one. I have so many groups of people who have impacted my life. And have been parts of chapters of my life. So many people who helped make me who I am.
I want a reception in which I can invite ANYONE and EVERYONE. No regrets about who I can't invite because of a guest limit......I want it to be outside where I can get married out there and have the reception there but I want NO NUMBER LIMITS!!!!
Of course, where dance is related, I wouldn't invite all the kids, hence why I want a bridal shower before that, ya know...
Maryland: My current life....
Washington County Detention Center aKa THE JAIL
Deb and Daryl Long
Shannon and Dan Rasy
John and Susan Buchanan
Jill and Chris Ciccarelli
Chris Shockey
Chelsea Joliffe
Artistic Dance Centre
Karen Waters
Lauren Waters (Not sure on this one)
Kerri Sprow (Again, not sure)
Miriah Trail and Laura Beall
Caitlyn and Cathy Crawford
Chelsea and Cathy Tyeryar
Heather and Taylor Stutzman
Ginny and Anna Parrish
Holts, Duncans, Sinnets, Brunos, Campbells, Nellis', Sims, Wozniaks, Glaspells.......
Spring Ridge Dance Center
Sheri, Kamilah, THe Blaze Team (Kylie, Lexi, Brittany, Audrey, Sabrina, Payton) and Moms
The Twinkle Team and maybe some moms
The Flame Team and maybe some moms
Spring Ridge Chiro
Colleen Cardellina
Dr. O
Dr. H
Dr. M
Tina
Danielle T
Danielle W
Holly
Rosalind
Veronica
Brynn
AE
Stef
Erin
Brad? Debbie? Jess? Others?
DFRS
Yohan
Danko
Moyer
Lieutenant
Ernie
Batallion Chief
Others? Station 33A? Station 1A?? 23A???
Metzgers
CONNECTICUT
DDW
Caseys
Finellos
Polzuns
Terhunes
Meyissa and Ben
Hannys
Keely
Melissa S
Kelsons
Kearns
Kittredges
Stanleys
Days
Schmitts
Dellagnesses
AND MANY MORE
NVCC:
Lily and Teddy
Melanie
Victoria and Ant
Chris Lafferty
Elias
Elena and Joe
Cate and Ken
Amaenda and Nate
Jeanelle and Tony
Stephanie M
Judith E-S
THS
Rob B
Ryan P
Hayley S
Allison D
Family
Whittakers/Yurgalewicz/Florio/Poniatowski/Kuszaj
Williamsons/Padua/Bennett
Scotts Friends
Richie
Johnny
Gil
Sarah B
Nikki
Kelly
Quinn and Kelly
Justin OB and Kristin
James OB
Centrellas
Erin and Dan
Tom and Dori
Toph and Mariela
Bergs
LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont want to cut anyone off!!!!! HA
Now Im tired....time for bed!!!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Changes.........
I feel I need a change in my life.....Whether it is apartment, new pet, new piece of furniture, new job.....SOMETHING.....I feel like I am at a plateau and I feel bored with my life.
Changed apartments January 2009
Got a new TV, new Couch January 2009
Got a puppy February 2009
Got a full time job July 2009
Changed jobs March 2010
Changed studios July 2010
I like my job.....hate driving there. I love where I am teaching. I love my puppy. Our apartment is great....I am incredibly happy with Scott. Argh but I feel like I am bored!!!!!!
What do I do?
Changed apartments January 2009
Got a new TV, new Couch January 2009
Got a puppy February 2009
Got a full time job July 2009
Changed jobs March 2010
Changed studios July 2010
I like my job.....hate driving there. I love where I am teaching. I love my puppy. Our apartment is great....I am incredibly happy with Scott. Argh but I feel like I am bored!!!!!!
What do I do?
Sunday, December 12, 2010
What a day, what a day......
Today sucked. I need to vent and the person I am going to be venting about needs to hear this but is incommunicado at the present moment.
I haven't seen Scott all week. Well, I guess we should start with last week.
Monday he worked at the firehouse. Well thats fine because I was working all day too so no time spent together. Tuesday I was home all day but he had class till 4ish. Wednesday I worked all day. Thursday he was at the firehouse. Friday I worked all day but then his friends from CT were here so I had to share him. All in all thats fine, he had a great time, it was a fun weekend but we didn't really have one on one time and if we did, we were sleeping.
Saturday I worked, got a massage then spent the day with him and his friends, same story as Friday. Sunday, spent time with his friends then he went to work. I went there to have dinner with him but at the firehouse there really is no intimate opportunities.
Monday he worked for someone at the firehouse.....another 24 hours gone.
Tuesday he had class. Then we went out for dinner which was nice but short.
Wednesday he worked at the firehouse.
Thursday he had class and I taught till 8 also.
Friday I worked all day. Went out at night but wasn't just the two of us. Again, thats fine but think of the point of this rant.
Saturday he worked all day at the firehouse.
Sunday (today) he left just as I was waking up. Worked at AE. Stayed later than his normal shift. Stayed at the mall later than that to purchase the iPhone. Came home, said hi to the dog (not his girlfriend, by the way) then spent hours on his iPhone downloading apps etc. And forget trying to talk to him when he is doing something, he just won't hear you. So talking to him, pointless. THen he proceeds to get extremely frustrated with something about the iPhone and when I go to ask whats up he looks at me like I did something completely wrong and says "Seriously? Not now" Soooo I just shut up. Haven't really spoken to him for the remainder of the evening.
He's watching Indiana Jones and again, dont try to talk to him during it, won't hear you.
Tomorrow I work all day, and we wont even talk via text because hes working at AE for a good portion of it.
Tuesday he is at the firehouse
Wednesday I work then he has oral surgery and will be out of it for the rest of the night, leaving me to basically be his slave.
Thursday I work all day and hopefully he is feeling better
Friday i work all day.
When do I actually get to spend time with my boyfriend? WHen do I get to feel like I am actually in a relationship again because I haven't felt like I am in one since Thanksgiving for the mere reason we dont get to see each other or spend quality time with each other.
When do I get to be told "I love you" without me having to say it first. When do I get more attention than the dog? When do I get to feel like I am special?
I could just cry right now.
Gnight
I haven't seen Scott all week. Well, I guess we should start with last week.
Monday he worked at the firehouse. Well thats fine because I was working all day too so no time spent together. Tuesday I was home all day but he had class till 4ish. Wednesday I worked all day. Thursday he was at the firehouse. Friday I worked all day but then his friends from CT were here so I had to share him. All in all thats fine, he had a great time, it was a fun weekend but we didn't really have one on one time and if we did, we were sleeping.
Saturday I worked, got a massage then spent the day with him and his friends, same story as Friday. Sunday, spent time with his friends then he went to work. I went there to have dinner with him but at the firehouse there really is no intimate opportunities.
Monday he worked for someone at the firehouse.....another 24 hours gone.
Tuesday he had class. Then we went out for dinner which was nice but short.
Wednesday he worked at the firehouse.
Thursday he had class and I taught till 8 also.
Friday I worked all day. Went out at night but wasn't just the two of us. Again, thats fine but think of the point of this rant.
Saturday he worked all day at the firehouse.
Sunday (today) he left just as I was waking up. Worked at AE. Stayed later than his normal shift. Stayed at the mall later than that to purchase the iPhone. Came home, said hi to the dog (not his girlfriend, by the way) then spent hours on his iPhone downloading apps etc. And forget trying to talk to him when he is doing something, he just won't hear you. So talking to him, pointless. THen he proceeds to get extremely frustrated with something about the iPhone and when I go to ask whats up he looks at me like I did something completely wrong and says "Seriously? Not now" Soooo I just shut up. Haven't really spoken to him for the remainder of the evening.
He's watching Indiana Jones and again, dont try to talk to him during it, won't hear you.
Tomorrow I work all day, and we wont even talk via text because hes working at AE for a good portion of it.
Tuesday he is at the firehouse
Wednesday I work then he has oral surgery and will be out of it for the rest of the night, leaving me to basically be his slave.
Thursday I work all day and hopefully he is feeling better
Friday i work all day.
When do I actually get to spend time with my boyfriend? WHen do I get to feel like I am actually in a relationship again because I haven't felt like I am in one since Thanksgiving for the mere reason we dont get to see each other or spend quality time with each other.
When do I get to be told "I love you" without me having to say it first. When do I get more attention than the dog? When do I get to feel like I am special?
I could just cry right now.
Gnight
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Lost Cause....?
So I am really beginning to think that IT is never going to happen....however many hopes I keep up.....I am going to be single forever.....Michael will win that bet....and because of that, if ever I decide I want to have kids, we will never have them unless theyre an accident because I dont want to have kids if I am not married...it's too easy to walk away from your significant other if you are boyfriend and girlfriend your entire life. Common law marriage will take effect in 4 years...but really, that is not going to make me happy enough.....I want to have that legal lifetime commitment.....and its never going to come....I have to start convincing myself of this.....
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Killing me softly......
Being along for 2 and a half weeks sucks. What sucks worse is that when he comes home, we will have zero days to spend more than a few hours alone together.
He rides home Saturday meaning, he will arrive back in MD around 7 or 8 at night. Go to sleep by 10, then he works 24 hours at the firehouse. Monday, I wil leave for work before he comes home and getting home around 8PM, i will be tired by 10 and therefore go to sleep by then. He will sleep until 10ish the next day, and I have to leave a bit after 12. Ill get home around 630 (later if i have an appointment) then again, go to bed by 10 and he works 24 hours the next day. Thursday begins summer camp....so while he will come homje from work and sleep till 11ish and I have to leave for work just after 12, when I get off of work, he will be in Frederick with ALL of his cousins. I will join them for a few hours, go home sleep. I will work the next morning and yes, while I have taken a half day off, but again this will not be spending time with JUST Scott. Saturday, he works 24 hours. Sunday I have an audition and will be gone for about 5 hours but again he will be with his cousins. Monday I work 10.5 hours, Tuesday he works for 24. Wednesday I work at the office then teach.....Thursday idk if he works at AE but I work for a few hours and might be able to see him for a few hours before and after that. Friday I work 10.5 hours and oh he works for 24. Then comes the weekend which im pretty sure he will work at AE but this will be the most I get to see him since July 15th.
I cant tell him exactly how upset I am because he doesn't seem to understand....When i voice my opinion, he thinks Im trying to make him feel bad and then he gets upset with me. I haven't told him that Ive cried basically everyday because I am so lonely and because I miss him so much.
While he is with his dad and not alone the entire two and a half weeks hes been gone, ive been alone for the majority of my time.....lets face it, i dont have many friends down here. The friends I do have here, have lives and can't spend their entire free time with me.
I'm sad! I'm lonely! I miss him!
I dont understand how he wouldnt want to come home tomorrow. If it were me, i would be coming home Friday so I could have my entire Saturday with my significant other whom i havent seen OR HAD SEX WITH for the past 20 plus days.
I HATE THIS!
He rides home Saturday meaning, he will arrive back in MD around 7 or 8 at night. Go to sleep by 10, then he works 24 hours at the firehouse. Monday, I wil leave for work before he comes home and getting home around 8PM, i will be tired by 10 and therefore go to sleep by then. He will sleep until 10ish the next day, and I have to leave a bit after 12. Ill get home around 630 (later if i have an appointment) then again, go to bed by 10 and he works 24 hours the next day. Thursday begins summer camp....so while he will come homje from work and sleep till 11ish and I have to leave for work just after 12, when I get off of work, he will be in Frederick with ALL of his cousins. I will join them for a few hours, go home sleep. I will work the next morning and yes, while I have taken a half day off, but again this will not be spending time with JUST Scott. Saturday, he works 24 hours. Sunday I have an audition and will be gone for about 5 hours but again he will be with his cousins. Monday I work 10.5 hours, Tuesday he works for 24. Wednesday I work at the office then teach.....Thursday idk if he works at AE but I work for a few hours and might be able to see him for a few hours before and after that. Friday I work 10.5 hours and oh he works for 24. Then comes the weekend which im pretty sure he will work at AE but this will be the most I get to see him since July 15th.
I cant tell him exactly how upset I am because he doesn't seem to understand....When i voice my opinion, he thinks Im trying to make him feel bad and then he gets upset with me. I haven't told him that Ive cried basically everyday because I am so lonely and because I miss him so much.
While he is with his dad and not alone the entire two and a half weeks hes been gone, ive been alone for the majority of my time.....lets face it, i dont have many friends down here. The friends I do have here, have lives and can't spend their entire free time with me.
I'm sad! I'm lonely! I miss him!
I dont understand how he wouldnt want to come home tomorrow. If it were me, i would be coming home Friday so I could have my entire Saturday with my significant other whom i havent seen OR HAD SEX WITH for the past 20 plus days.
I HATE THIS!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Lets Play a Game.....
What would my life be like if something majorly drastic changed......
WHAT IF: I was pregnant.
WHAT IF: I was pregnant.
- 9 months from now, I have a kid.....that would put it around my birthday. Ooh what a gift! - Positive
- I can barely afford myself, I can not afford Maggie, I can not help Scott out at all financially....Now there's a kid in the mix? - Negative
- Adding to the financial burden, I would have to take off of work and NO I do not have Short Term Disability benefits. - Negative
- We would need room to have the baby. We already do! The den can be converted. - Positive
- I would be responsible for a life other than mine. Food, nourishment, keeping it safe, etc. - Neutral
- Scott and I would go downtown and get married and plan a ceremony later. Or plan a shotgun wedding - Positive
- However, he has said he is not ready for that step....so would he really be happy being married to me only because we were to have a kid? Would he resent me in the end? - Negative
So why are we playing this game? Because I didn't get my period last month and I have been an emotional wreck these past two weeks. Feeling nauseaus (sp?) off and on.....Granted I tend to freak out over little things....therefore there is a really good chance I am just extremely stressed and thats making my body do crazy things....But what if I AM pregnant?
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